I have no other way of showing how I truly feel.
No words to express the fury in my soul
The terror in my heart
The all encompassing pain of shame
Defensive rage my only weapon in a world of judgment and rejection
Abandonment of self at the root of who I am
What I do
What I say
Look beneath my mask, my endless defiance, erratic behaviour
What do you see?
Why am I so confrontational, uncooperative, disobedient
Do you see my fragmented self?
The burden of living in state of survival. Every day
Your attempts at drawing closer are buffeted by my resistance
And yet, an invisible hand reaches out to you from deep within me
Then pulls away as if burned by the flames of fear
Fear of further rejection, fear of further loss, fear of you truly seeing me.
Knowing I don’t deserve your care, your kindness, acceptance, your love.
Approach with gentleness, an open heart
Hear beyond the spoken words
See beneath the rage
I am there
Waiting
Wanting
Needing
You.....
Sarah Dillon (c) NATP Founding Committee Member.
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